5 Fun Facts About Coming Out in Regency England

by Donna Hatch

www.donnahatch.com

To quote the famous first line of Pride and Prejudice: "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

It was also a universal fact that a young lady of good breeding must be in want of a husband. Coming "out" during the Regency, was crucial to a gently bred young lady's future, since she basically had no future unless she married. Without being "out" she could not attend dinner parties or balls or any other society function. Basically, until she was out, she was considered a child. Here are some fun facts about this vital process.

1. The young lady's parents decided when she could come out—there was no set age. The very snooty Lady Catherine De Bourgh from Price and Prejudice exclaimed over the Bennett family’s five girls out at the same time. This suggests that the ages of the girls were not surprising, but rather that so many from one family were out at the same time. In Mansfield Park, people were surprised to learn that Fanny Price was not yet out, who, if memory serves, was seventeen (or nearly so) at the time. The age for coming out seems to have ranged from fifteen to eighteen.

2. Trips to London for the Season were not imperative to being out or finding a husband. Many young ladies married well to someone from their home or neighboring towns. However, a trip to London for the Season provided an exciting opportunity to meet any number of eligible bachelors, including sons of peers, and indulge in all the delights only London could offer.

3. Young ladies entering society were not called “debutantes.” During the Regency, that term applied to actresses debuting on stage. Sometime during the Victorian Era (which came after the Regency Era) the term gradually began to apply to young ladies coming out. About that time, parents started the tradition of throwing debutante balls. During the Regency, one may or may not have a ball for a young lady new to society.

4. Not every young lady took her bows to the queen. It wasn't necessary to curtsy to the Queen prior to entering society and coming out. In fact, unless the lady was a daughter of a peer who wanted to appear in court, or the newly married wife of a peer, bowing to the queen would have been totally unnecessary. Also, Queen Charlotte didn't hold drawing rooms (where young ladies could be presented to her) on a regular basis between1811 and 1818 to due her health.

 

5. Young ladies were required to have a chaperone with them at all times outside of their home or while entertaining a male visitor. Maids were not chaperones—they were too easily bribed or bullied. Male relatives were not generally considered chaperones, but they might do in a pinch, depending on the circumstances. The only truly appropriate chaperone was a matron or spinster of good character and family, and who spoke with a genteel accent, generally of the upper classes. Mothers or aunts were preferred chaperones. One might also hired companion, a respectable woman who’d probably fallen on hard times enough to need to earn wages, similar in class and situation as to those who became a governess.

As a mother of daughters, I’m kind of in favor of the idea of a chaperone. 

Being Presented to the Queen

Despite what Regency authors often write in their  novels, it was not a requirement that any one be presented to the queen before dancing at Almack's or being considered "out." Some of the patronesses of Almack's felt they were more exclusive than court, giving and denying permission almost at whim only young ladies of spotless character and connections. A girl could have any number of seasons before being presented to the queen. Some never were presented until after they married. Of course, not attending a drawing room could imply that if the family had money problems; those gowns combining the feathers and hoop skirts of the Georgian era with the high waists of the Regency era thereby making a lady's figure look as terrible as possible were expensive and couldn't be worn anywhere else!

Only the daughters of peers would have been presented at Court when the queen held her "drawing room" for that specific purpose. There's a great book about this topic, "GILDED BUTTERFLIES: The rise and fall of the London season" by Philippa Pullar. By the way, the term debutante is Victorian, so it was never used during the Regency period.

The girls could attend social gatherings before being presented. When a young lady was about the right age, normally about 17 or 18, her mother sent in a notice to the Chamberlain that she wished to present her daughter at the next “drawing room.” The chamberlain sent her the date and a list of requirements as for dress and number of feathers.

In Gilded Butterflies, Pullar says that court required feathers as soon as society decided they didn't want them any more. The girl went with her mother on the proper day. The queen kissed the daughters of the peers. She often spoke to them as well. All brides of peers and men who attended court had to be presented as well, even if they had been presented before marriage. Also the wives of the diplomatic corps were presented.

April 30.1812 “The Queen held a drawing room at St. James's Palace. It being the first which her Majesty has held since the King's birth day in 1810, and there having been no Court for the ladies during a lapse of nearly two years, great preparations were made by the higher ranks for their appearance on this occasion.”

Though Queen Charlotte scheduled drawing rooms fairly frequently up until 1811, after that date they were irregular and spread apart. The sponsor-- the female who was sponsoring the girl -- the sponsor had to have already been presented herself, of course-- inquired as to the next drawing room and asked permission to present the girl ; she had her name and the name of the girl listed with the Lord Chamberlian's office. This office would send out the invitations and the information as to what people were supposed to wear to those who had requested permission for a presentation. At the presentation the girls went forward as called out. She knelt to the queen. The queen kissed the daughters of peers on the forehead but gave her hand to be kissed by anyone else. The girl then stood and backed away from the queen. She could not look behind her and could not turn her back on the queen. Then they usually went home.

Queen Caroline never gave drawing rooms. It was always Queen Charlotte who did it until her death in 1818. Then the Prince Regent/George IV had his sisters hold the drawing rooms.